"Am I Born To Die?"

September 4th, 2022

Hi everyone, I hope you'll pardon my not writing. Not a lot has happened, or not a lot I want to discuss at length as you never know whether involved parties will be reading this post. Just been feeling lonely, how do people meet people? It's truly beyond me. I just need to get out of Etown and I think things will get better. I wish sometimes quite selfishly that I could skip town now and never see anyone again. Is that selfish? I know quite a few people depend on me, yet I feel like my absence would be almost unnoticed. That's not a healthy thought, but is it a realistic one? Lots of questions, but nobody to answer them. I have been writing a little, though. It makes me feel less like a little blip on the map. Maybe there lies the answer?

The world just kinda sickens you sometimes. I think often about how I'm supposed to live this way for the rest of my life? That's just unfortunate. Maybe I can live in a commune. I saw a movie called 'Only Yesterday' the other day in which someone moves to a farm. Obviously more to it than that, but it makes me want to just leave. There's a lyric from the song November Blue by the Avett Brothers that sticks in my head, too. It goes, "And if I came to you tomorrow and said, 'let's run away', would you roll like the wind does?". Just so simple but so poignant. When I get a car, I think I'll travel alone. Maybe camp out. I just long to break free from this routine that I feel is killing me. That's the social contract you sign by being born, huh? I dunno, I just wanted to get all this out. I worked 2 shifts today so I'm a bit tired. Hope you all are well. Thanks for 30k views, too! Craziness. Absolute craziness.

As Always

Syd Whitaker